July has always been a time I offer to Loki. Taking a challenge people posted out on Tumblr a few years back and making it a central “holiday” in my practice. With all the flurry of activity in the Godspousing Community, I had to wonder what changes my own husband would bring to the mix. In short, nothing… At least nothing obvious.
This year so far has been wild for me to say the least. School was hard this year, my anxiety so high I was having panic attacks for the first time ever. I was struggling with finding an internship. My cat of 18 years passed just after Ostara.
Keekoo, snuggled to me over Christmas break. We had gotten him surgery for the tumor on his mouth. He felt much better and barely left me.
And my mother was in the hospital for just shy of 3 months for an illness I nearly lost her from in 2012. Friends grappled with gender identity which caused me to examine myself in turn. Spirituality sorta took a needed backseat for a while while I struggled.
Summer came, I was accepted into a job (to which I won’t link here for obvious reasons) and a class I was struggling with got pushed into the summer. I figured that I would find time to reconnect… I was wrong. Spirituality has been minimal between work, school, and sleep. The most meditation time I get is driving the back roads to work. Which I enjoy looking at the nature and unusual animals signs for messages from my gods.
Yesterday marked the beginning of July for Loki. Normally it’s an extravagant time of crafting, baking, meditation and just enjoying Loki’s company. Being mindful of Him. Yesterday started by a drive to work spotting two Sandhill cranes (a rare occurrence in a mid-Michigan farm field) and hitting every green light on my way to work, something that I absent-mindedly cried “Hail Loki!” for. I was a couple hours into my work day when I finally realized that it was July already. It was July for Loki. I snuck him a doughnut to my desk and got him a cookie with lunch and a glass of water. He played with Pandora while I worked sending me little “love” songs. I promised to use the massage appointment I made for today as meditation time with him, as I often use these appointments for such things.
This early morning taking my dog out, what would greet me but my rabbit totem. Who hopped a little ways away to stare at me before hopping into the brush. ❤ I wish I had my phone to take a picture of the little guy as it was magical and rare to see one so close to the house. I'm glad my dog is trained enough to leave things be too.
Back in the house I began to research the meaning and symbolism of the crane and the rabbit. Using them as key points of focus for my meditation later. When off-handedly I spoke to Loki about how Cranes mate for life and I wondered what that means…
He responded simply. "Could it not simply mean the depths of my devotion to you, that we are forever. This is not just a July for me. I want this to be a July for Us."
Recently, I've been also thinking about promises Loki had made me in our last… 3 years? No he reminded me that it's been almost 5 years. (That's a bit scary… where has the time gone?) Promises of change, survival, love, career. Needed things that were worries and people he'd sent my way. Now I do have a job I love that I got myself for the summer. At one point I was looking at deciding between two! I have my last year of school left and graduation looks attainable, when 7 years ago I was struggling with wanting to live, this is miraculous to me. At work I'm interacting with people on a level that I haven't in a long while. Somehow I've finally embodied the Queen of Wands. That woman, mature and confident in her abilities while passionate and to the point. The growth even in the last year is amazing to me. Within the last five years I feel like a flower that was taught to bloom at night because they were too dazzling in the day. Slowly but surely I'm now blooming in the day. Dare I say I'm thriving?
I'm working through a shamanism book now trying to rebuild and find a practice that works into my life. So far it's going well. Between everything else going on, I'm all for making July about Us. Just to take moments of each other's time and just be as we are. Supportive and loving each other. That is a blessing.
May July be prosperous for you dear reader!